The Stuff Increments Are Made Of

If you've been wondering how to get a great increment in your advertising job, look no further. Here are some little known facts and figures gathered from over six years' experience in a top ad agency; just a few things to help you increase the zeros on your paycheque.

Coming up with a suggestion for whom to recruit for a vox pop: 1% increment

Getting your boss excited and inspired enough to come up with his own recruitment suggestion: 2% increment

Making your boss feel good about a shirt he's worn a thousand times: 1% increment

Inventing a new buzzword for each presentation (inflection point, anyone?) and throwing it around often during said presentation: 3% increment (6% if said buzzword is picked up and bandied about by client in the next meeting)

Being on first-name, back-slapping, small-talking, joke-cracking basis with senior management, even though you've nothing to contribute when it matters: 10% increment

Publicising your heart's desire of wanting to write or direct a feature film: 15% increment

Laughing at all your boss' jokes: 3% increment

Sticking around so long you're almost furniture: 8% increment

Drinking with your seniors twice a week: 22% increment

Keeping your client happy, even if you're pissing off the rest of the agency at the same time: 11% increment

Having a theory – nobody says it has to work – for everything about advertising: 21% increment

And finally, the number one way to increase your increments – nodding your head and saying, "Superb, superb!" or "Correct!" to everything your boss says: 35% increment

Correction: still the number one way to increase your increment is – doing it on your back, or bent over, or on top, or in the kitchen, or the boardroom, or any way your boss likes it: 100% increment